Today while feeding my obsession about orgasms I came across this blog post https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201310/the-three-surprising-types-spontaneous-orgasms
While reading the main article I kept feeling extremely jealous of the people who could accomplish this. Then reading the comments about women waking up in the middle of an incredible orgasm drove me crazy and made me depressed. However I kept reading and was surprised to see many people talking about having an orgasm in the middle of very stressful situations. Even more surprising was that this effected men too. I can imagine for most that orgams in these situations are not pleasant. Even worse were those complaining of constant unwanted orgasms for no reason. While a large part of me would trade places with these people in heart beat, I can at least say with my condition I can go on functioning with a normal (although not so pleasureful) life, while this appears to be a truely debilitating condition. I feel sorry for those in this position and the likely lack of understanding from all those claiming they are lucky. If you suffer from this would you consider it worse or better than never having an orgasm?
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Comparing male and female orgasms
Have you ever thought about what an orgasm feels like for the other sex? This is something I have wondered about probably since the first time I saw a woman moaning her way to orgasm. In fact over the years I think I've become mildly obssesed with it. This is probably somewhat driven by my lack of any orgasm. Even though I am not transgeneder I would give just about anything to experience a female body for a day. Any women or men feel the same about wanting to experience the opposite sex? I wonder if one gender is more interested in the other. I have always thought female orgasms were far superior to males but lets explore a bit deeper.
I recognize that orgasm is something that can vary greatly not just between genders but also between individuals and even over time within an individual. For the purpose of this post I'll be speaking about the overall average for men and women. However I would love to hear about individual experiences in the comments.
To start with lets take a look at some of the common perceptions of male and female orgasms.
Male Orgasms:
I recognize that orgasm is something that can vary greatly not just between genders but also between individuals and even over time within an individual. For the purpose of this post I'll be speaking about the overall average for men and women. However I would love to hear about individual experiences in the comments.
To start with lets take a look at some of the common perceptions of male and female orgasms.
Male Orgasms:
- Easy to acheive
- Can be acheived quickly
- Short duration
- Only one per session
- Usually requires a rest period after
- Generally one type
Female orgasm:
- More difficult to achieve
- Takes longer to acheive
- Lasts longer
- Ability to have multiples
- Intensity varies
- Multiple types (clitoral, vaginal, g-spot, ect)
Based on these perceptions I think even though it maybe more difficult to acheive, the female orgasm is the clear winner for overall pleasure. Due to my issue I'm a bit biased but the thought of having a 60 second+ long orgasm sounds better than having 10 of the orgasms I used to feel. Here is a pretty good visualization that seems to show the perceived difference (sorry does not seem to work on mobile browsers).
Even though the perceptions generally seem fairly clear, the engineer in me says back this up with data. So upon doing some searching I was surprised to come across this article that shows males and feels are not that different when it comes to orgasm. I found the method of measurement interesting with only muscle contractions being measured. I think the conclusion you could draw from this is the physical aspects of orgasm are very similar between men and woman. However I don't think it at all suggests the experience is the same. Certainly a big part of the feelings deals with the chemicals released in the brain. I was also very interested in the comments from several transgender people. They all seemed to agree that even before any physical surgeries their perception of orgasm changed just by hormone therapy. I think future studies that could include transgender individuals before and after would be very interesting.
So digging a bit deeper I came across another study that looks at brian waves. This one suggests that the female orgasm is 10 times more powerful than the male orgasm. They go as far to say playing back the brian waves of a female orgasm in a male brian could be such a shock it could kill him. However they don't give any source or reasoning behind this. Without any details of the study I tend to question the results. I wish a more thorough study of this sort was available.
So in conclusion there seems to be a few minor studies in the area of orgasm comparison, but much more research is needed. For now I will keep my opinion that female orgasms are more pleasurable and I'll continue to obsess over them. What do you think?
Even though the perceptions generally seem fairly clear, the engineer in me says back this up with data. So upon doing some searching I was surprised to come across this article that shows males and feels are not that different when it comes to orgasm. I found the method of measurement interesting with only muscle contractions being measured. I think the conclusion you could draw from this is the physical aspects of orgasm are very similar between men and woman. However I don't think it at all suggests the experience is the same. Certainly a big part of the feelings deals with the chemicals released in the brain. I was also very interested in the comments from several transgender people. They all seemed to agree that even before any physical surgeries their perception of orgasm changed just by hormone therapy. I think future studies that could include transgender individuals before and after would be very interesting.
So digging a bit deeper I came across another study that looks at brian waves. This one suggests that the female orgasm is 10 times more powerful than the male orgasm. They go as far to say playing back the brian waves of a female orgasm in a male brian could be such a shock it could kill him. However they don't give any source or reasoning behind this. Without any details of the study I tend to question the results. I wish a more thorough study of this sort was available.
So in conclusion there seems to be a few minor studies in the area of orgasm comparison, but much more research is needed. For now I will keep my opinion that female orgasms are more pleasurable and I'll continue to obsess over them. What do you think?
Wednesday, August 19, 2015
Intersting insight on social anxiety and porn addiction
I was just doing some reading for a potential future post and came across something that kind of clicked in my head. I have seen a psychologist regarding my issue with porn and together we determined some of my addiction could be contributed to social anxiety. The idea is that I would use pornography to escape the feelings of anxiety I would have. I never even realized the extent of my social anxiety until we dove into it.
While I have always accepted social anxiety as one of the underlying causes porn became addictive to me, watching this youtube video really made it make total sense. This research suggests the brian completely shuts down the anxiety part of the brain during orgasm. (assuming this still happens with me even though I feel little pleasure) it would make sense I would seek out this activity to escape my feelings of anxiety. This is probably true of other feelings as well such as inadequacies or stress.
While I have always accepted social anxiety as one of the underlying causes porn became addictive to me, watching this youtube video really made it make total sense. This research suggests the brian completely shuts down the anxiety part of the brain during orgasm. (assuming this still happens with me even though I feel little pleasure) it would make sense I would seek out this activity to escape my feelings of anxiety. This is probably true of other feelings as well such as inadequacies or stress.
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
An explanation of my orgasm issues
In order to fully understand this post it is important to note the difference between ejaculation and orgasm. While these two most commonly occur together in men it is possible to have one without the other. You'll find references to orgasm without ejaculation if you search for male multiple orgasms. Unfortunately as I have learned it is also possible to ejaculate without the accompanying feelings of orgasm.
From the few other men I have heard of having this problem it can be they have never experienced an orgasm or that they used to and cannot anymore. Some can attribute it to medication, past trama, or other particular event. For others like me it just kind of went away without any known reason and never came back. Some can't reach orgasm or ejaculation but others like me ejaculate without the intense pleasure that normally comes with it.
What I used to feel:
I'm not sure when exactly the problem started for me but it was sometime in my late teens. I first discovered masturbation at an early age, maybe 12. At that time I was still developing and would reach orgasm with no ejaculation. The orgasms were intense and pleasurable. In fact I remember my very first one before I knew what and orgasm was. I had learned what sex was and thought I would simulate it with my hand to see how it feels. The feeling was so intense and took me by such surprise that I remember thinking if sex feels that intense I don't want to do it. Lucky for me I tried again a few days later and learned to love it.
I think my orgasms at that time were normal. I would get excited, feel the tension and slight buzzing in my crotch building. My breath and heart rate would increase uncontrollably, and then the feeling would explode. My whole body would tense up and I'd have involuntary spasms. If I were to plot the intensity of the feelings on a chart with 1 being a normal day to day feeling and 10 being the most intense orgasm ever, it would look like this.
From the few other men I have heard of having this problem it can be they have never experienced an orgasm or that they used to and cannot anymore. Some can attribute it to medication, past trama, or other particular event. For others like me it just kind of went away without any known reason and never came back. Some can't reach orgasm or ejaculation but others like me ejaculate without the intense pleasure that normally comes with it.
What I used to feel:
I'm not sure when exactly the problem started for me but it was sometime in my late teens. I first discovered masturbation at an early age, maybe 12. At that time I was still developing and would reach orgasm with no ejaculation. The orgasms were intense and pleasurable. In fact I remember my very first one before I knew what and orgasm was. I had learned what sex was and thought I would simulate it with my hand to see how it feels. The feeling was so intense and took me by such surprise that I remember thinking if sex feels that intense I don't want to do it. Lucky for me I tried again a few days later and learned to love it.
I think my orgasms at that time were normal. I would get excited, feel the tension and slight buzzing in my crotch building. My breath and heart rate would increase uncontrollably, and then the feeling would explode. My whole body would tense up and I'd have involuntary spasms. If I were to plot the intensity of the feelings on a chart with 1 being a normal day to day feeling and 10 being the most intense orgasm ever, it would look like this.
Ejaculation would occur sometime between reaching 5 and 8. I would consider when I got to a 3 - 4 to be the point of no return, where no matter what, even I stopped all stimulation, I would continue on to ejaculation and orgasm.
What I feel now:
I can't remember an exact moment when I realized my orgasm was missing. I do remember a few times as a teen, ejaculating before I orgasmed with the orgasm coming shortly after. That freaked me out a bit but I never recall thinking hey I didn't orgasm that time. As far as I know it just kind of fizzled away. Now my sexual response looks more like this:
As I approach the point of no return I do feel some pleasurable feelings building (for this reason sex is still enjoyable). However as I get close I don't feel the increase in heart rate and breathing I used to. As I go over the edge the feeling just kind of fizzles out instead of going to a great peak like it used to. I sometimes get a few spasms but it is more like when you are tickled in an uncomfortable way and it makes you jerk.
As far as I can remember it has been this way for me since I was 16 years old or younger. I can remember when I was dating my first real girlfriend thinking to myself maybe I'll reach orgasm again when I finally have sex. It was a few years later and a different girl before I lost my virginity but still no orgasm (sex is still great).
I've tried many different things over the years (the details of which I'll save for another post) all with no luck. For anyone out there with the same issues or if you just want to learn more, try searching for anorgasmia and ejaculatory anhedonia. Have thoughts or questions? Please leave comments.
As far as I can remember it has been this way for me since I was 16 years old or younger. I can remember when I was dating my first real girlfriend thinking to myself maybe I'll reach orgasm again when I finally have sex. It was a few years later and a different girl before I lost my virginity but still no orgasm (sex is still great).
I've tried many different things over the years (the details of which I'll save for another post) all with no luck. For anyone out there with the same issues or if you just want to learn more, try searching for anorgasmia and ejaculatory anhedonia. Have thoughts or questions? Please leave comments.
Introduction
In this post I plan to provide a short introduction to who I am, why I am creating this blog and what I intend to get out of it.
About me:
I am a 32 year old average male living in the Midwestern United States. I'm college educated with a bachelors degree in engineering, I'm married, have 1 kid, and I have not felt an orgasm since I was probably 16. I'm sure someone out there is saying how can you have a kid without having an orgasm. As it turns out ejaculation and orgasm are two different things. Physically I function fine but when it comes to feeling those awesome feelings it just kind of fizzles out with me. The condition is known as anorgasmia or ejaculatory anhedonia. I'm sure I'll post more about this later. I'm also a recovering porn addict. It is quite possible the two are related but again I'll post more later. I also consider myself a terrible writer so hopefully those interested can bear through it.
Why create this and what I intend to get out of it:
I think the main idea for this blog came when I stumbled across a blog from a female who was documenting her quest to reach orgasm. In my limited searching I found lots of information discussing female orgasm problems but very little about males (with the exception of premature ejaculation). I'm hoping by creating this blog I can get some of the many thoughts and possible misconceptions about my own sexuality out of my head and either fix or come to term with my issues. This things are unfortunately not things I feel comfortable talking to my friends and family about, so thanks to Internet anonymity I will talk about them all openly here. I don't have great expectations for this blog to be popular or become mainstream, but it would be great if I raise some awareness for others with similar issues and prompt some great discussion.
If you made it this far thanks for sticking with me. For my first real post I plan to go into detail about my ejaculatory anhedonia. If you are interested or have questions for me please leave comments.
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